What if God was one of us

I am a student of Vedanta, a believer in the Gita and a huge fan of Brian Weiss. And Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl and Criminal Minds.

In today's Gita class, Swamiji spoke about how the Gita advocates healthy eating, regular exercise, sleep for upto eight hours every night and the importance of being mindfully occupied.  And, he quoted a verse to validate the same. Which left me thinking about people’s perceptions about spirituality that may not be entirely true. People have a tendency to think that spirituality is reserved for Sanyasis and deals with complicated subjects that are difficult to grasp. In turn, they may pass on this misconception to their children. The truth is, spirituality is sensibility at the most basic and practical level. It even talks about diet and exercise.

Religion and spirituality and culture are all independent entities, not to be confused with other. They can peacefully co-exist and are only dependent on each other when we choose to combine them. The Gita is not reserved for grand-parents, monks or religious Hindus. It is a text, when properly explained, helps you understand your priorities in life, cope with modern day stresses and reach out to fellow human beings with love and compassion.

While we spend so much time planning our children’s future; setting aside money for college, planning what summer camps and swimming classes they need to go to etc, how much time do we spend thinking about what we need to do as parents to help them grow emotionally and spiritually? Do we even take responsibility toward the same?

What can we do to ensure that our children are respectful, compassionate and tolerant of all religions and beliefs?  When we teach our children to be tolerant, we expand their horizons, enabling them to discover wonderful lessons in various beliefs and cultures. I know that many children today learn verses from the Gita and even take part in chanting competitions. I think that is wonderful, learning something that is so powerful in its meaning, which can only serve to enrich their minds. However, I wonder how many of these verses are explained properly and how many children are enrolled in such competitions for the sake of knowledge and not potential trophies.

Even we we talk about how stressful school curriculum's have become for children, we justify the same by immediately validating how competitive the world has become and how it is 'ok' for our children to be trained to fit into the rat-race? Does that even make sense? What about the early heart-attacks, increase in substance abuse and high stress levels that accompany this rat-race? Do we conveniently forget that while preparing for the future. Could we re-train our minds to think about striking a better balance for our children?

When we celebrate our religious festivals, do we as adults truly understand what we are celebrating and the intrinsic meaning behind what we do? Most festivals have turned into commercial fests where children watch too much TV and we as adults over-eat and in most cases, over-drink.

If God was one of us, he would be amused.
Blog Title: What if God was one of us – Joan Osbourne

Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside

I started this blog to write for Ri. I wanted her to have something to read when she was much older and had the capability to understand the impact she has in her parents lives.
Conforming to parenthood is like accepting the most challenging job in the world, it’s 24/7, no fixed hours, no compensation and requires a great deal of organisation, planning, resource allocation and HR management with other care-givers, help and grand-parents alike.
Your baby is your boss. Your baby is your employee and your baby is your colleague. Maybe, the only difference being is that when you’re working in a regular job, you’re not madly in love with your boss ( I speak for those who are not) and you keep looking out for yourself within the organisation. Here, all you do is look out for your little bundle of boss, employee and colleague. Well, when I say ‘look out’, I mean gentle, omnipresent support lifelong as opposed to creepy parent stalking till your son/daughter is fifty.
We all grow up with a lot of pre-conceived notions, assumptions and feelings. Our brain is influenced by a lot of signals from our environment and there are many things we do not really question, accepting them just the way they are. On the topic, here are a couple of peeves I have.

• Parents reminding children about how much they have sacrificed for them and calling them ungrateful in situations where the parent feels
  let-down
• Parents feeling the need to remind children about all the things they did not have and all the things they are doing so that their children can have them
• Parents pushing the child to live/work in places because they missed the opportunity to live/work in those places.
• Parents influencing children to form early opinions about their relatives and friends by passing adverse comments about them irrespective of the child’s age.
• Parents who want ‘well-mannered’ children ‘in paper’ but cannot practice  Please, Thank You and Sorry to their children and those around them.

I am all for respect and discipline but am very antsy about feeling the need to continually remind children about how much we have sacrificed. What we gain from our children is immeasurable and we cannot begin to play an investment vs. expectations game with them.
Yes, I would be concerned/hurt in the future if Ri were to take an aberrant path, was reckless in school or was doing something that would jeopardize her future. However, my reaction would be to weigh the situation keeping the child’s best interests as a priority. I would not choose to make it all about me, how much I have sacrificed for her and how she has let me down.
Children give us much more than we give them. They accept us just the way we are, with our emotional baggage, un-tested parenting skills, insecurities and frustrations. Apart from their hugs, kisses, dribbles and unyielding faith in us as parents, they give us love and a sense of purpose. We can never quite match that.
Blog Title: I believe the children are the future – Whitney Houston

I’m just a girl

People are hypocritical about gender all the time.

In modern urban society, when an expectant daddy says that he desperately wants a daughter, people will ‘Ooh’ and ‘Aah’ about how sweet his statement is. Now, if someone were to say that they desperately want a boy, they are immediately judged for being sexist and will be the recipient of a long lecture on the benefits of having a girl in today’s world.

Girls of today are the boys of yesterday.

Also, parents of little girls are being patted on the back by peers who tell them wonderful stories of how their lives will be more than enriched in their experience of raising a girl. While Lil Girl’s dad gets away with the cliched ‘ look out for the boyfriends’ and ‘marathon phone sessions’ warnings, Little Boy’s Mom will have to hear ominous predictions on how she should learn from Ground Zero not to expect anything from her son and his daughter-in-law. All this from his diaper days.

And what about the modern mother who does not have a girl child? People look at her sympathetically, borrowing from our ancestors the 'look’ that had reserved for those who bore only girl children.

In conversation with someone on this topic, the someone did explain that modern day society does seem indulgent to people who want or have girls because of the significant biases against the girl child that existed in the past. The wheels have turned and the preference for a girl child marks an important societal change.

However, in India this change has happened only in a very small section of modern society, those with access to education and exposure. For the larger section of our population, a girl child is not wanted, female infanticide remains a social evil and poor families continue to have children till they chance upon a son.

While topics on gender-preference and acceptance are light-hearted banter in our everyday conversations, it makes or breaks the lives of many lower-income families.

Lifestyle of the family, education of the older girl children and health of the mother are compromised as the rest of the family goads the couple to sire a male child. Spreading positive awareness on this topic to at least four people around us starting with our own helpers may help in a small way to bring about a necessary change in attitude.

Till then, God bless all our children.

Blog Title: I’m just a girl – No Doubt

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go

We took a family vacation to Coonor, a hillside town just below Ootacamund in the Nilgiris Hills. Though I have travelled with Ri before, the trip to Coonor was her first on a local Indian sleeper train. RD (Ri’s dad) and my mom were pretty excited to see how Ri would react to a train journey. They both love the whole idea of travelling by train especially the ones with berths during overnight journeys. *rolling eyes*
I hate travelling by train. I can handle some chaircar ones but get very edgy and squeamish in the others. Why I cannot stand train journeys is content enough for another post. Well, Ri did not like her journey at all. She was fine while we were sitting around chatting but could not handle sleeping on the berth at night. We thought that the gentle rocking motion of the train would soothe her to sleep. Well, to put it mildly, there was no soothing or sleeping for either mom or baby. Though, I did learn to expertly change diapers on a moving train.

Well, this was technically Ri’s fifth trip and I am not that nervous about travelling with her anymore. Infact I even have some travel-esque pointers for newer moms travelling with baby.

1. The trip usually looks a lot better in the photos post-trip. Well, that’s because we tend to only capture images of happy family smiling in front of scenic backdrop. Noone captures pictures of frazzled mom washing sippy cups and crusty oatmeal in the bathroom sink and picking up clothes and toys till her back-drops.
   
2. Space Bags are very useful when travelling with babies. They help you efficiently pack extra-clothes without compromising on space.  If you suspect you’ve packed extra clothes for baby, go with your suspicion. Extra bodysuits are always handy during travel.
   
3. Unless you’re travelling to a city where you know that you will get every baby-related item you need, I would recommend that you carry your preferred brand of formula, baby-food and diapers. Travelling with a baby is a lot of work and you may not have the time to identify a new place and shop from scratch where you go.
   
4. You cannot expect your baby to follow the routine potty-training schedule during travel. Changes in weather, long car journeys and new environments can lead to discomfort, nervous stomachs and diaper rash. Make sure you’re prepared to battle all of the mentioned. When I travel with Ri, I carry a digestive enzyme powder that helps calm her nervous travelling stomach and takes care of any output color changes. Talk to your pediatrician and find out his/her recommendation. During one of your regular pediatrician visits do take some time out to talk about what you should be carrying while travelling.
5. Ensure you carry medication for these symptoms: high fever, vomiting and diarrhea. It’s funny that this is on my list of recommendations because I have argued with my mother about this, telling her that I was sure most cities had good pharmacies and that it was messy carrying around glass bottles. She then reminded me that babies can fall sick at any time and I could not allow the baby to dehydrate or fever-spike just because I was searching for a pharmacy in the middle of the night in. Clearly, my mom won that round. She did not win the round where she insisted we carry her Fisher-Price My Froggy Friend Potty for a three-day trip.
   
6. If your trip is a short one (2-4 days), transfer baby food and formula to Ziploc bags and smaller containers. Make sure you pack your measuring spoon as well. And, do carry bottle cleaning detergent and brush as cumbersome as a task as it may seem to be. I’ve forgotten both once and emergency cleaning bottle with new toothbrush and Lush Solid Shampoo was not fun.
   
7. I highly recommend Munchkin’s Deluxe Bottle and Food Warmer while travelling. Though I was a bit apprehensive about how much I would use it when RD first bought it, I cannot travel without it now. Though Munchkin sells it as a bottle warmer, I multi-task it by using the warming steam to sterilize Ri’s sippy cups as well. Very useful for warming water and formula while on-the-go.
   
8. Gerber fruit snacks are a blessing during travel. Crackers, cheese cubes and store-bought yoghurt work as great meals and fillers as well.
   
9. Familiar toys and books are a boon when you want baby to sit quietly and play. Be minimalistic and carry these in one pouch for easy assembly and packing.
   
10. Other useful items that you must not forget because I have and it was not fun to: Thermos flask to carry around hot water for formula ( make sure you close it properly though), Scented diaper throwaway bags ( it’s just a fancy way to throw diapers, any decent plastic/brown bag will do). However, I do recommend Munchkin’s scented ones, they smell amazing.
    
11. Don’t forget baby’s soap-tray especially if you’re carrying regular baby soap. Sounds trivial but it’s annoying to discover creamy mounds of baby soap in hotel soap-holder and being forced to leave creamy mess behind. It’s almost as un-funny as washing NUK sippy cup with Lush Shampoo.

Most importantly, plan ahead and pack things ahead to avoid getting into a frenzy while travelling with baby. Travel and changes in environment are new for them too and it’s not unusual for them to be cranky or clingy. As a mother, it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and more tired than you would at home. Come on, scroll up and see the number of things you have to pack, un-pack and carry around. While travelling by plane and car, Ri has had marathon feeding sessions leaving me feeling totally exhausted. So mentally disconnect from the images of Cocktails by the Pool and enjoying hotel showers.
When you come back home, all weary and bleary-eyes, go through your vacation photos and everything will seem rosy and shiny. For afterall, we need to show our babies the world, one place at a time.
Blog Title : Leaving on a Jetplane – John Denver