Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I'll always remember you like a child girl

Being a mom to a baby/toddler is hard. No! I'm not talking about the nurturing and the tangible physical implications of spending time with them. I'm talking about the toll it takes on you emotionally.

You see, I am addicted to sleeping with Ri by my side.

Ri still sleeps with RD and me and we would not have it any other way. Now that she's older, she is so much more responsive during sleep-time, she'll ask for a blanket and lovingly ask us both to snuggle into it, with her. When we do, she sighs with contentment and I can almost feel my heart crush a little with the happiness of the whole experience. Sometimes, she stretches her arms out and ask us to lay on either side. The grins, the giggles and the positive energy she gives us, is something that enthuses us day and night.

Dr Sears, one of America's high-visibility paediatrician's http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes advocates what he calls sleep-sharing and I must say it works for both parents and babies.

When she was younger, I would constantly wonder when she would move to her own room, or even to her own crib, which is more of a toy-holder now. I would wonder why I was incapable of infusing more discipline into her routine.

Now, I've learnt to let go of the worrying.

Her routine is mostly unpredictable. She has not started formal school as yet and I am sure she will start sleeping earlier when she starts school and needs to be more routine-oriented. For now, she is my baby and forgive me for wanting to hold on to that a little longer.

Weaning took its toll on me. Ri has completely forgotten that phase in her life and I am amazed at how a baby who was obsessed with nursing could just 'move on' like that while I am left inexplicably sad at her transition. There are so many moments when she asks me to leave the room, clinging on to her father instead. She can now choose when she she needs me and is pretty vocal about it. When I spend too much time on my part-time job, I can sense her disappointment as I tap away at the computer keys helplessly. Sometimes, she asks for my attention. Most times, she does not. Holding her toys precariously, she has learnt to walk away when she knows she cannot disturb me.

So, I watch her, grow and laugh and love and play with a happiness that cannot be explained and can only be experienced. Yet, every happy moment is tinged with the teeny thread of sadness, again which only can be experienced and not explained.

One day, our babies will grow up, are growing up and grown up which is all a wonderfully blessed thing with a little bit of heartbreak for moms.

Blog Title: Wild World - Mr. Big

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