Sorry Ri

Dear Ri,

I owe you an apology. Dated December 18’th 2011.

Sometimes when you act out, I lose sight of how tiny you really are. I feel like I’m against someone of my own age and expect you to understand that your behavior frustrates me.

Today, we came home after a really really long road trip and we had to get ready to go out for a birthday party. I was tired. So, were you. I am coming down with a bad cold, the kind where your head feels heavy and your eyes are blurry.

You refused to let Inna help you get ready. You refused to let us brush your hair. You insisted on pouring my contact lens solution all over the bed and dug your hands into my lens case. You wailed and cried so much you got tears all over your party dress. Then, you kicked off your party shoes. All the crying made you red-faced and I began to imagine you were warm. Well, you refused to let me take your temperature. I thought you were hungry and tried to feed you some warm milk but you kicked the bottle away. Much crying later, we left for the birthday party.

I was angry, you were red-faced and I lost my temper with you in the car. I said some things to you that I should not have. You probably did not understand what I was saying but I was so angry that I simply had to let you know how angry I was. Moments later, you were in my arms, drinking from your bottle
(because I told you that the man driving next to us on his bike was chasing and catching babies who did not drink their milk) and I felt like the worst person in the world. I thought of all the mommies and babies we would meet in the party and felt ashamed that I was the one who had screamed at her kid that evening.

I love you Ri. I really do. However, there are times you really drive me up the wall. I know you don’t understand that you are whining and crying, sometimes whining, sometimes crying and sometimes giving me a giant combo dose of both but it drives me crazy. However, that is no excuse for losing my temper with you.

I am sorry. I apologized to you on the way to the party, in the party and on our way back. You were happy. You didn't really understand anything that happened, you played with balloons and spat out some cake. You behaved like the perfect party princess.

When we came home, you opened your return gift with glee. You loved the little plastic bottle with bubble blowing liquid you got and played with the all the bubbles I blew for you. Then, you insisted on blowing the bubbles yourself, spilt the liquid all over your dry-clean only party dress, licked the bubble-blower and probably drank some of the soapy water too.

We have a long journey ahead, you and I.

Excuse me while I go pray for more patience.

Love,

Mom.

P.S: I am sorry.