Saturday, March 26, 2011

Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside

I started this blog to write for Ri. I wanted her to have something to read when she was much older and had the capability to understand the impact she has in her parents lives.
Conforming to parenthood is like accepting the most challenging job in the world, it’s 24/7, no fixed hours, no compensation and requires a great deal of organisation, planning, resource allocation and HR management with other care-givers, help and grand-parents alike.
Your baby is your boss. Your baby is your employee and your baby is your colleague. Maybe, the only difference being is that when you’re working in a regular job, you’re not madly in love with your boss ( I speak for those who are not) and you keep looking out for yourself within the organisation. Here, all you do is look out for your little bundle of boss, employee and colleague. Well, when I say ‘look out’, I mean gentle, omnipresent support lifelong as opposed to creepy parent stalking till your son/daughter is fifty.
We all grow up with a lot of pre-conceived notions, assumptions and feelings. Our brain is influenced by a lot of signals from our environment and there are many things we do not really question, accepting them just the way they are. On the topic, here are a couple of peeves I have.
  • Parents reminding children about how much they have sacrificed for them and calling them ungrateful in situations where the parent feels
    let-down
  • Parents feeling the need to remind children about all the things they did not have and all the things they are doing so that their children can have them
  • Parents pushing the child to live/work in places because they missed the opportunity to live/work in those places.
  • Parents influencing children to form early opinions about their relatives and friends by passing adverse comments about them irrespective of the child’s age.
  • Parents who want ‘well-mannered’ children ‘in paper’ but cannot practice  Please, Thank You and Sorry to their children and those around them.
I am all for respect and discipline but am very antsy about feeling the need to continually remind children about how much we have sacrificed. What we gain from our children is immeasurable and we cannot begin to play an investment vs. expectations game with them.
Yes, I would be concerned/hurt in the future if Ri were to take an aberrant path, was reckless in school or was doing something that would jeopardize her future. However, my reaction would be to weigh the situation keeping the child’s best interests as a priority. I would not choose to make it all about me, how much I have sacrificed for her and how she has let me down.
Children give us much more than we give them. They accept us just the way we are, with our emotional baggage, un-tested parenting skills, insecurities and frustrations. Apart from their hugs, kisses, dribbles and unyielding faith in us as parents, they give us love and a sense of purpose. We can never quite match that.
Blog Title: I believe the children are the future – Whitney Houston

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