After Ri was born, and even during labor, I was constantly writing in my head, desperately trying to capture the range of emotions I was feeling.
She’s almost a month old now and I’ve finally gotten down to it. There are so many feelings and emotions about going through a pregnancy and having a baby and dealing with a newborn that I want to share with the world and I often ask myself why I refrain from writing more about it. So here I am now, writing about it, no more refraining. I guess. I am a firm believer in ‘individual experiences’ and not shoving down ‘your experiences’ down another person’s throat. I also believe that every baby is a unique personality, born in a unique environment, to a unique set of parents.
I’ve been noticing (from social conversations, social networking etc.) that women who have gone through pregnancies, labor and raising a child are quick to inform and educate their successors about the downside of the same without realizing that maybe everyone does not feel the same way they do.
Woe betide the pregnant woman who mentions in her social networking status update that she feels tired and her third-trimester heartburn kept her up the whole night. Immediately she is informed and educated by her predecessors (many in smug tones) about how she ‘lucky she is’, ‘how at least NOW she can sleep through the night’ and how she should ‘forget about sleep’ when the baby comes and how ‘pregnancy is a breeze compared to raising your child’. While people are free to give advice and share their experiences, I wish they would not assume that everyone is going to end up feeling the way they did or is going to react or reacted to their pregnancies the same way. Third-trimesters come with their fair share of annoyances; heartburn, discomfort and restless sleeping. Not to mention the increased frenzied anticipation of waiting for your child. Why would you want to tell an eager mother that the third-trimester is more blissful than having a baby?
Personally, give me 100 dirty diaper changes over nausea and heartburn any day. I cherish the two hours of sleep I get today because I get to sleep in my favourite ‘on my stomach’ position rather than the uncomfortable tossing and turning and gazillion trips to the bathroom. Why would you ever want to go back to running and re-running the last lap of the race when you are the ‘ most tired’ when you can cross the finish line and experience a fresh start with what will soon become the greatest love of your life.
Why are moms not more expressive about the positives of motherhood? Remember the biggest, best crush you had in your life? Well, double that and triple that and multiply that by a gazillion and there you have it. Imagine walking around with that kind of a love-high. Most people who know I’ve had a normal delivery, applaud and congratulate me like I’m a hero of some sort and that makes me a bit antsy.
When I tell them that at some point during labour, my Obstetrician informed me that I might have to prepare myself for a C-section, I often hear responses like
‘Thank god you had a normal delivery; you are up and about now’ and ‘you could have never done that if you had a C-section’.
What is sad here is that beliefs like this put a lot of pressure on the pregnant mother who might end up berating herself if she ends up having a Caesarean baby. As important as nutrition and exercise during pregnancy is, it does not guarantee that you will have a normal delivery. Neither does having a Caesarean mean that you are somehow less healthy than a mother who went through a natural birth.
Pregnant mom - When someone smugly tells you that they went though their delivery without an epidural, gently remind yourself that there are no prizes being handed out for ‘Champion tolerator of pain’ in labour rooms. One thing I’ve learnt from my labour experience is that the pendulum can swing either way and you can never really tell whether you’re going to have a normal or a C-section. A labor experience, positive or negative entirely depends on the pregnant mother’s past and present physical state and more importantly, tolerance and threshold of pain.
So here's my take - I will believe you if you tell me that in spite of an arduous labour, you would go through that experience all over again just to catch a glimpse of your baby smiling at your breast. I would respect your decision not to ever want to hear the word b.a.b.y after your birthing experience. I would not be surprised if you mention that the first month of sleepless nights; one-hour feeding schedules and unannounced growth spurts have been the most blissful days of your life. And, I would ask you to drink a beer on my behalf, if you never want to have kids, deal with dirty diapers and leaking breasts and party on till your eighties. It all comes down to individual experiences, choices and the right to birth, feed and raise your baby the way you want to.
Blog Title: Baby I love your way - Big Mountain
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