Six o'clock already I was just in the middle of a dream

Monday Morning 
Ri and I converse mainly in Tamizh. Below is the translated version :) 

Ri: I will not go to school today !
Me : Please do and I promise that Appa and I will come and see you very soon.
We have a parents orientation today
Me: It's time to brush away the germs! Let me brush your teeth for you!
Ri : No ! Only, daddy has to brush my teeth!
Me: Let's gargle your mouth.....
Ri: No ! Only, daddy has to give me the water!
Me: Time to bathe ?
Ri: No ! Only, daddy has to bathe me !
Daddy hands over freshly bathed Ri to me. She accidentally got soap into her eyes so she is a bit fussy. 
Ri : No No No ! I will not get ready ! I will not go to school !
Me : If you fuss like this and refuse to let me help you, I will go to Aysha's (fictitious good girl) house.
Ri stays quiet for 20 seconds. Maybe she's imagining how Aysha looks.
Me : Let's wear the blue dress. It's so pretty ! Or, would you like to pick ?
Me confusing her with and without choice. This is what happens when your Mom is a Libran.
Ri: Pink Pink Pink ! Pink top and pink leggings
Me: They don't really match.......do you want to wear a pair of shorts with the pink top ?
I could have just sent to school a happy kid with mismatched clothes rather than a whiny kid in matching clothes.
Ri : Noooooooooo !!!!!!! Begins to sob 
Me: Ok. You have to wear your underwear now
Ri: I won't wear this one......sobs
Me: Losing patience and does not want to scream on a Monday morning
I bring in the Patti resource. She is well-behaved as my mom gets her ready. I almost feel like the 'bad' person. Why did I have to be OCD about matching clothes ? 

Sometimes I forget that I'm 30 and she's just 2.5 years old. Is there anything called a 'fair game' between a mother and a toddler. I feel remorseful after reprimanding her, consoling myself that she's just a baby! However, I see the mischievous glint in her eyes when she sees me, she knows exactly when she's being stubborn and she knows which buttons to push. When I scold her, she tells me not to, otherwise she'll tell her daddy.

And then I disconnect myself from the conversation volley and view it as an outsider. I hear myself telling Ri the things that my parents used to tell me and I swore I would never say to my kids.

"I've never had as many toys as you. You have to be more careful with them!"
"Where are the other crayons ?" We just bought them! Daddy works very hard to buy you these things!"
"You will not speak to me this way. I do not deserve this after everything I do for you."
 
And that's the way the story goes........


 
Blog Title: Maniac Monday - The Bangles

There I said it !

Ri looks like my dad. I'm her mom and I should know. No. She does not look like my mother-in-law! Raj's family have sharp features. Regal noses. Angular faces. Ri and Raj have no similar features! Maybe they share similar expressions but then people should say she 'has similar expressions to him' and not 'she looks like him'.
And, after five years of marriage, you really stop with the 'my family' and 'your family' thing so this is not one of those rants! When you are standing at a distance from her, her long limbs and colouring is similar to RD's side of the family. She is a tall girl like my mother-in-law.

When she gets closer, I notice the mischevious glint in her eyes, her button nose, heart-shaped face and the way her features are placed and I see a little girl version of my dad minus the pot belly!

Ri put it best. I asked her who she looked like and she said 'Ninna'. My mom would concur. She hates 'familial' comparisons. So do I. I would love to agree with my mom and say kids look like themselves but I look at Ri everyday and she looks like my dad.

There, I said it.

While she walks out ......

Yesterday, I picked up Ri from her playschool. As I waited for my daughter to come out, excitement building, like paparazzi waiting for a celeb snapshot, I realised that picking your kid up from school is one of those 'Mastercard' moments.

She walked out, tiny jazzy purple Strawberry Shortcake backpack, a Winnie-the-Pooh water bottle slung on her shoulder, grimy-knees, sweaty head, pink with tiredness and some time in the sun. As I watched her from a distance, I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes involuntarily filled with tears. I was so proud of her. She was adjusting in a new environment and I knew she was giving it her best shot!

Moments like these are 'zen'! Deadlines, home and work-stress fade away. They joy of being a parent is remembered. Ri is ok. She is ok. Everything else comes second.

Dear Ri,

It's been so long since I've posted in this space. I have so much going on with my work and all the work going on in our new apartment. The sweltering heat and frequent power cuts are not helping!

10 Ri-eal Life Updates:

1. You are 2 years and 5 months now. You started playschool, it's been a good 3 days so far and I cross my fingers that you will adjust well. Last time I enrolled you, I think you might have been too young. Of course, there are some kids who adjust well at younger ages but let's just say you were not one of them.
2. You keep talking about a 'tangachi' (younger sister in Tamil)  'paapa' (baby in Tamil).
   I think you would be a great elder sister. However, you talk about the 'tangachi' as a playmate who will come everyday, play with you and leave. You get upset when I tell you that babies have to stay in their mother's stomachs till they come out into the world. Its amusing when you tell me that 'tangachi' should not be in my stomach because you will crawl back into it. I think you need a best friend! 
3. You love grouping RD, you and me together as a family. When your grandparents offer to come visit you in school or move into our new apartment, you tell them with glee that only you, your mommy and daddy will be together wherever you go! 
4. You are very religious. You love watching 'pujas' , talking about Gods and hearing their stories. You can describe how Lord Shiva lives with his family in Kailash and can point at Holy Cross and say Jesus! I love that about you and always hope you will be a secular, peaceful child. 
5. When I described the Holy Trinity to you, you were a bit disappointed that your favourite Ganesha did not make the cut! 
6. I still carry a diaper bag for you, everywhere I go. These days, I rarely seem to take stuff out of it except for your milk, water and some baby wipes. I could very well, stuff them into my regular handbag. Packing your diaper bag before we go out is a ritual for me. I love neatly folding your spare dresses, your diaper cream and powder (where am I ever going to powder you in a restaurant) and placing them in their compartments. I feel more prepared to face the world as a mother with my diaper bag! That, and the fact that I am desperately trying to hold on to every ritual associated with you as a baby as long as I can. Carrying the diaper bag around reminds me that I am a 'mother', I feel purposeful, resourceful and needed. Whatever the tribulations associated with it, I enjoy being your mom. 
7. You love playing with 'chapati' dough. So, I bought you Play-Doh. Well, it excited you for around 48 hours before you went back to demanding for your 'maavu'. 
8. Your dad totally sees through the stunt I pull in 'using you' to pass on messages to him. Every time you say you want to go out for '5-star' dinner or want a 'foreign' holiday, he looks at me suspiciously!
9. Speaking of which, we took you to the Chola for dinner and you walked into the lobby, looked around and sighed with happiness. You were delighted with the air-conditioning, the flower arrangements and the friendly staff. I think your father pretended to not know who I was because I walked you around and made you pose for pictures against paintings and artifacts. 
10. You throw tantrums saying you want to do 'computer velai' like your Amma.  You sit in front of the computer and strum away at the keys. Though, mostly you watch religious videos on Youtube. 
11. These days, you call me in a variation of names: Amma, my real name, Mommy, Mummy, Ammi and most recently, Mama! 
12. You love lipbalms and the idea of lipstick. Since I don't really own any lipsticks, I fool you with lipgloss and Nivea's lipbalm. 
13. This morning, an elderly gentleman who lives on the same road came for a visit. You saw him, ran into the kitchen and asked 'Mumu' to fill the ice-bucket with ice since 'Thatha's' friends have come in for a visit!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darling Ri, you assume we are ready to drink at anytime which we probably are ? 
14. I bought you a small schoolbag from Witco. Shopping for you at familiar places like Witco and Bata for shoes (which I only recently discovered was not an Indian company) makes me happy. It reminds me of my childhood. I don't know if you'd like the clothes from London Stores at Luz Corner or Children's Choice at Mylapore though! 
15. I don't know how old you will be when you read this. Will this storage space survive ?
    If you are reading, I want you to know that you are and will always be the light of my life. 

Love, 

Mama